Pencarian Menuju Tujuan

I thought I will never see you again
Or deep inside my heart
Quietly
I wish I don't need to see you again
So that I will have peace
And not haunted by the past
Don't let me lock myself again
Or hurting myself slowly
Or blaming myself with tears
I refuse to swallow what's given to me
And see it as the debt I need to repay

Don't I deserve to be forgiven?

I never really love you
It was a mistake
What we had and what we did
The biggest mistake I ever convicted
Til date...in my life

I was lost and astray
The same goes to you
We drunk, we forget and we pretend
We fooled ourselves for a temporary happiness
We lied too much to keep it flamed
We risk what were in our hands
For a new thing that looks interesting
And we were betrayed by our senses

We parted so abruptly
There wasn't even a proper good bye
Because my conscience wake me up from the dream
I fell so hard on the reality
That it was so difficult to run away

You were being naive to get an amnesia
Which would never happened
You wished to get a clean paper
Which we would never get
Because it's never recorded in the history
It's always an enemy in the final chapter
Or a stranger if you get lucky
But never a friend

I haunted you in your dream
You tried to send me an apology
I was searching for my true self
To bring her back and reconcile
It was only after days and weeks
That we tried to exchange smile again
Only for you to want me back
Only for me to build my wall back
And eventually we gave up
Because we know that's not exactly what we want
Or what we need

I just hope I will never see you again
But you come back without warning
I saw your reflection in the mirror at the narrow path
I wish I see a wrong person
But no, I still remember your shirt
I remember your jacket
And it's way too easy to identify you even from some distance
I hate how you ruin my mind without saying a single word
I hate you for making me hating myself
I hate you for making me feel scared and worried
That history will repeat
I hate you for being a shadow of my past
Could you please leave me alone?

I'm with my wings now
And I want to soar the sky
I want to leave the darkness
And fulfill the purpose of why I was created
You were a character died in a previous chapter
So don't you dare to disturb my happy ending

written with the background music from "Shadow" by Sam Tsui...

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